Patterns my mind forms

Today I made my mother cry, endless times hurt father
He doesn’t show, so I never actually knew
Gone are the days, heart wanted to share
Keeps shut now, see a vast difference in thought process
Stranded at the same place, for where I rose years ago
Things , relations, people…nothing matters this very moment
Absolutely no-where that I want to go, be at, reach out for
The phase of life when happiness was more than words, long lost
Isolated me, draining out all emotions, senses, memory
Not that I am regretting not holding onto it
Still could have lasted some more days, how I wish
Undergoing transition, adjusting, adapting, a major setback
Dreaming with open eyes, thinking without thinking
Locked away are the happy days of childhood, teenage
No more craving for freedom, yet dependency nauseate me
Clueless about life, no aims, no motivation, just tiredness
Day after day, everyday trust slackens, vision blackens
Am I religious, or anywhere near being spiritual?
Do I believe in stars?
Was I assigned some mission at the time of birth?
Am I to improve or destroy this world?
Books always speak of living life better, never seen
Any which tells me how to die in peace!
Streams, hills, children, birds, sky,music they restore
Calmness of mind, even though heart beats empty
God being our excuse, we blame it all on him
No wall can prevent words of songs reaching my ears
No barrier can stop me from reaching where I am to
Déjavu…mirage….!!!My life…
The exists no force that can bound soul to my body

I have to leave, yet another wasted being!!